I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
