we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
