Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
