i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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