I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
