I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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