I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
