so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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