I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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