Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
