Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
