I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
