I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
