The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
