I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
