My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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