All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
