I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
