he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
