Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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