So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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