Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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