you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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