Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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