you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
