at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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