Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
