During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
