I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
