need another drink. this is the easiest way
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
