if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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