so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
