I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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