Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
