Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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