i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
