Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
