It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
