Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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