the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
