He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
