so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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