my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
