Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
