physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Acid is not a monday night drug
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
