Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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