girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
