so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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