when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
