maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
